Journey into a New Year

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2012 has begun, and January is almost over. Life is already busy, overwhelming, and complicated. Isn't that encouraging? :) Seriously, it's just a reminder that things constantly change or don't happen according to OUR plan, so how much more do we need a constant, sovereign God? I was reminded of this lately, and God met me with a sweet revelation just this morning. Let me explain....

Most everyone knows we are in the process of adopting a little boy from Ethiopia. We've passed court in Ethiopia, so Levi is officially OUR child. We are his forever parents. So, what's the hold up? The U.S. Embassy. We are awaiting all our paperwork to be submitted so they can review it and decide if he can enter the U.S. as an American citizen. The problem is that we have been waiting since we passed court as his parents Nov. 21st. That would be 9 weeks, 12 hrs and 6 minutes. But, who's counting, right? Aaah, this wait has been so much harder than I had ever anticipated! Every week we wait to hear if this is the day we will be submitted. Every week the answer has been "no". There are logistics involved that I won't explain here just because I'd rather focus on what God is showing me in the midst of this wait.

I meet with two close friends once a week for prayer and Bible study. Yesterday, I just put it all out there. I'm feeling like this pause with Embassy has me paralyzed in SO many ways. I can't accomplish anything. I keep telling myself I'm going to jump in and ______ and it never happens. We've also had some major enemy fire in so many areas, both personally in our home and with our family, as well as within our church body. My dad was hit with random blindness in one eye and having surgery tomorrow that will involve a very difficult recovery time. There are families all around us that are being hit by destruction in so many ways. For just one example, our church family has been hit by sickness and death in VERY young people just in the past couple of months. It has been a devastating blow for our people! So, yesterday, I was just sharing about how I feel like the wait has me paralyzed in EVERY aspect and I KNOW that's not what the Lord wants. We prayed for one another and asked God to give us desires of His heart. After hearing a WONDERFUL sermon ;) on "Persistence in Prayer" we asked for the ability to be persistent in our prayers with faith, not as an action, but as an intimacy with the Father. We also prayed that He would speak truths to each of us and we would hear and act on them.

This morning, oh how HE SPOKE! I can only explain it as the Holy Spirit's doing. It sure wasn't mine. He told me to go to Exodus and to start writing. Huh? Write what? He said, "Go and I will show you!" Um, my name is not Abraham, but okay, I'll do it. So, I opened up and started reading in chapter 1. Revelation! I wrote in a notebook "40 Days towards Deliverance". There's 40 chapters in Exodus, and I felt like He wants to show me more of Himself in this journey rather than me focus on what *I* want in the end. Exodus is all about our Redeemer found in Christ. So, today I read chapter 1 and took notes. If you get time, check it out and see how He speaks to you. I recognized some characteristics in this chapter that hit home. Fears, bitterness, oppression,.... Ouch! Yep, that's me all right.

BUT look at the midwives! They feared God MORE than man. I don't always do that. God's blessing to their obedience was by giving them families of their own...relationships....and even more- intimacy with God. He redeems every negative circumstance in our life. Perhaps, not always how we want, but how He sees is best. In the midst of our trials, God continues to create and shape us. He doesn't just give us an answer. He gives us His very self! The Israelites were not free from their oppression right away, but they were on a journey to know the Redeemer! We are, too! He also gives us the body of Christ-one another-to encourage, strengthen, and lift each other up. He wants TODAY to meet us, change us, and more than an outward conformity, He wants to go deeper into our hearts. About this time as I'm writing all this down, a song comes on the radio. "From the Inside Out". I sobbed. The words to this song touch my heart so much. Go check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ-fghqc8Oo

What about you? Are you in the midst of a trial or trials? Are you paralyzed with fear, uncertainties, or circumstances? Are you oppressed? Bitter? Will you fear man(or circumstances) or fear God? God is interested in much more than outward conformity. This wasn't about just doing. This was about God speaking to my heart and my heart responding to His love. God wants followers of heart. A heart filled with His love responds in love-to Him and to others. This is where the foundations begin to shake!

We still wait to hear tomorrow. Whether the answer is "yes" or "no", my journey will continue in Exodus. After all, it's not about me and my timing. It's not about Levi. The God Who speaks to me in America is able to speak to Levi in Ethiopia. It's about the God Who created us and has appointed all things in His time and for His glory. "Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing You praise!" (probably my favorite lyric in that song!)

I realized nothing about my circumstance may change, but when God meets with me through His Spirit and His Word, *I* am changed! This is the joy of persistence in prayer! I'm excited to see what all He is going to show me in this journey. I pray you are encouraged as He has encouraged my heart today. My desire for 2012 is this: "He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less." John 3:30 (NLT)

His grace is truly sufficient. Manna for each day, my friends. Manna for each day.....

New Specs

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My youngest daughter and I had eye appointments a couple of weeks ago an hour north of where we live. Yes, y'all we have to travel that far for things like this. It's the exchange you take for living around a lot of preserved land and bay restoration areas. Oh, heck, it's just small town coastal living! Who am I fooling? Anyway, it ended up that Sean and Ashtyn came along for the ride. If I was going to try on glasses, I wanted Sean's opinion. As Baylee came out from her exam, it was my turn to go in. I sit down with the doctor who seemed a little elderly to still be practicing, and he begins to ask me some casual questions.
"What school do you go to?"
"Oh, I don't go to school. I stay at home and run the rat race of laundry, cooking, and driving people everywhere."
Silence....
"You're the mom?"
Me smiling..... "Yes?"
Him smiling...."I thought you were the big sister....."and I thought he (Sean) was your dad."
Insert hysterical laughter.

Oh, how I was so puffed up that this optometrist who surely had excellent vision, and wasn't so old after all, had such wonderful words flowing from his very young looking lips. He had the be THE best eye doctor on the eastern shore!

Then came the deflation. By the end of visit......guess who needed BIfocals?!

Yeah, my glory came and went pretty quickly, that's for sure. I'm not sure Sean has still let me live this down. Although, just so you know....they're not bifocals. They're "progressive lenses!" I feel like I got my dignity back with that term anyway. :)

So, I ordered the glasses, and returned last night to pick them up. Of COURSE, I had to include this with a "Girls Night Out." Might as well make it into some fun, right?

So, we stopped to get my glasses, and I was blown away when I put them on. I could see! I mean I could see like I'd never been seeing. Like I'd not been seeing for a long time! A. really. long. time. I could see far away, I could read without holding something 2 feet away! I could read without taking my glasses off. I could see people's faces clearly and not like they were wearing some kind of weird mask or had a bad makeup job. I know my friend was thinking I was just a little 'too' excited over glasses, but it was incredible, I tell ya. I had NO idea how poorly I was seeing until I swallowed my pride, decided I didn't care what status I might be given or age I was considered. I got the lenses that I needed so I could see. I've known I couldn't see clearly for awhile, but I wasn't willing to do what it took to correct that. The rest of the night felt like I was seeing a whole new world!

"You have your heads in your Bibles constantly because you think you'll find eternal life there. But you miss the forest for the trees. These Scriptures are all about me! And here I am, standing right before you, and you aren't willing to receive from me the life you say you want." John 5: 39-40 (MSG)

Don't you and I act like this? We walk around with blurred vision so long, we don't even realize we can't see anymore! Things like pride, stubbornness, defeat, unforgiveness, hurts, and many more remain so long that they blind us. We go to the Word and read constantly, but we miss the power available because we've refused to put on the right lenses when we read. The eyes of God through the Holy Spirit awakens us to a fresh perspective and taps us into the power of seeing Him and knowing Him intimately. That is where power and freedom are found.

"The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. " John 1:9-14

Maybe our faith is weak because we miss the forest for the trees. Ask the Spirit to give you a fresh vision and understanding so that the Word is truly alive and active in your life. It's time to get rid of the things that blind -or bind -us, and see Jesus for Who He is. Humble yourself and grab those bifocals, er... progressive lenses! You can see near AND far so much clearly!

"It’s far more than that! I consider everything else worthless because I’m much better off knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. It’s because of him that I think of everything as worthless. I threw it all away in order to gain Christ and to have a relationship with him. This means that I didn’t receive God’s approval by obeying his laws. The opposite is true! I have God’s approval through faith in Christ. This is the approval that comes from God and is based on faith that knows Christ. Faith knows the power that his coming back to life gives and what it means to share his suffering. In this way I’m becoming like him in his death, with the confidence that I’ll come back to life from the dead. " Phil. 3: 8-11

. Change the Music

Back in 1989 soon after we were married, Sean and I purchased our very first C.D. player. CD's were the new craze and initially, we bucked at the idea. Once we realized that only meant we would not be able to listen to our favorite music with our albums from the 70's and 80's, we decided we could grow into this new technological world. Being huge music fans, we investigated CD players until we found one in our very small budget that would also last us for awhile. One of the features we loved on the C.D. player was the "Repeat" function. If you wanted to listen to a song over and over, you just clicked "Repeat" and it would automatically play that song continuously. After repeatedly listening to a favorite song, the soundtrack was ingrained in our minds so that we knew every word and beat.

The Bible study I am revisiting has been addressing this very fact. Whatever soundtrack you and I have continuously playing in our minds is what we ultimately believe. That can be positive or negative. We've been seeing how meditating on truth is so very vital for our spiritual health and remembering our identity in Christ. A lot of people believe meditation is something "new age" and for other religions, but there are many places in scripture we are told to meditate on something. Matter of fact, there's at least 37 references to meditate in the Bible. It simply means, "To keep the mind in a state of contemplation; to dwell on anything in thought; to think seriously; to muse; to cogitate, to reflect. To contemplate; to keep the mind fixed upon; to study." (Webster's Unabridged Dictionary)

What soundtrack is playing in your mind? Is it things others have said? Things you have said to yourself? Things that you feel? Things that you know to be true, but hurtful? Our soundtracks are not reliable unless they are first taken captive by the Holy Spirit. "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.." 2 Cor. 10:3-5

I've been guilty of believing so many lies of the enemy or others, and dwelling on painful memories of hurt and betrayal. By allowing that to become the soundtrack of my mind, negativity can steer my every emotion and eventually action. Do you ever even argue with yourself? Oh, how I have been there! Sometimes the enemy knows exactly when and how to speak to us, whether times of vulnerability, sickness, or trials, and especially in times when we have not taken up the FULL armor of God. It's very enlightening to stop and really hear the things you are saying to or about yourself. You may find there's simply no truth there.

Now insert God's soundtrack. Not sure what His sounds like? Try some of these:

"Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done,

And Your thoughts toward us;
There is none to compare with You.
If I would declare and speak of them,
They would be too numerous to count." Psalm 40:5

"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand." Psalm 139:17-18

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,'
declares the LORD.
'As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.'" Isa. 55:8-9

"'For I know the thoughts I think towards you, says the Lord, 'thoughts of peace and not of evil; to give you a future and a hope.'" Jer. 29:11

Our truth to hide in our hearts this week comes from Psalm 19:14....

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my Redeemer."

Did you know that the average human brain has 70,000 thoughts/day?! To even comprehend that is beyond me. So, the next time you are having a thought, aka "meditating," press pause, and see if there's truth in the track you're listening to. Is it "acceptable" in God's sight? Acceptable simply means "able to be agreed on; suitable." Would God agree with that meditation you think about yourself? Would it be suitable considering the One Who gave His life for you loves you more than anyone on this earth? Oh, that we would take every thought captive to Him and live our lives by the power of the Spirit Who brings truth to light in every soundtrack of our lives.

Whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh, and take account of these things (fix your minds on them)." Phil. 4:6-8 (Amp)

Today's Blessings

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revisiting this Bible study

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with some girlfriends

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Aaaaaaaaah!

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." James 5:16

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7

Jason Gray - I Am New

Anybody besides me need to hear these lyrics today? They were quite a refreshment to my heart and reminder of truth to my mind.

Now I won't denyThe worst you could say about meBut I'm not defined by mistakes that I've madeBecause God says of me
I am not who I wasI'm being remadeI am new.I am chosen and holy, and I'm dearly lovedI am new. I am new.
Who I thought I wasAnd who I thought I had to beI had to give them both up'Cause neither were willingTo ever believe
I am not who I wasI'm being remadeI am new.I am chosen and holy, and I'm dearly lovedI am new.I am new.
Too long have I lived in the shadows of shameBelieving that there was no way I could change,But the One who is making everything newDoesn't see me the way that I do.He doesn't see me the way that I do.
I am not who I wasI'm being remadeI am new.I am chosen and holy and I'm dearly lovedI am new. I am new.
I am not who I wasI'm being remadeI am new.Dead to the old man, I'm coming aliveI am new. I am new.
Forgiven, belovedHidden in ChristMade in the Image of the Giver of LifeRighteous and holy, reborn and remade,Accepted and worthy-This is our new name.
This is who we are now....

"So if you have been raised with the Messiah, seek what is above, where the Messiah is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your minds on what is above, not on what is on the earth. ³ For you have died, and your life is hidden with the Messiah in God. ⁴ When the Messiah, who is your life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory." Col. 3:1-4

Fake Family

One of my favorite posts from one of my favorite blogs. Love this!

Fake Family

Looking Back

Nine years ago this week, my family and I were leaving all we had known as "home" and "the familiar" in Louisville, Ky. and moving 9 hours away to Wake Forest, N.C. Sean had surrendered to full time ministry and was going to finish his Master's program at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. We knew no one there, but from the moment the Lord made it clear that we were "to go", He also made a way to get us there. Our home sold in six weeks from the time we put it on the market! He gave us immeasurable faith to walk through a time of uncertainty, often having others around us wonder what in the world we were thinking or doing. All along, we just knew it was His will. Wecouldn't explain why, but we knew what He had told us, and saw Him providing every step necessary to leave as well as those necessary to live in a new land.

Since that time, we have served in two churches (currently in our second) and learned a lot of lessons (and re-learned a lot as well). We have seen God be so ridiculously clear, and we've also looked and wondered where He is and what is He doing. We've experienced mountain-top joys and deep-valley lows. It's almost hard to believe it's ONLY been nine years. It seems like an eternity since we lived back there in Ky. It also seems like we have lived so much of life the past nine years, when much more of our life was lived before that. So many things happened to lead us up to October 2002.

I was recently blessed to be able to return to visit with family and friends back in Kentucky. I visited my parents in the hometown where I grew up until I left for college. I even traveled 3 hours west to Louisville to visit what we still call "home" and is filled with so many of those wonderful friends who I continue to stay in touch with faithfully even to this day. I saw many of the spots I used to frequent on a daily basis- my old neighborhoods, our church, friends' homes, grocery stores, and restaurants. Lots had changed as far as developments, businesses, etc., but lots had also stayed the same- like friends. It felt like I was retracing steps of my past, and for a reason.

There are times in scripture when we are told not to look back. Yet, there are other times when we are. This visit was one of those times that I felt I needed to look back in order to go forward. Why? So that I could trace the hand of God in my life. So that I could know with certainty that He had been so present back then, and He would continue to be present in my now and in my future.

I recalled the tiny church I grew up in, and pictured the preschool chairs where I sat around an out of tune piano and learned songs about a God Who loved me. As I drove by the house where I lived from 2nd grade until I left for college, I pictured the many years I grew up there. I wondered if my bedroom closet still had the things I wrote (in permanent marker!) on the wall as a little girl playing make believe. I wondered if the basement made them feel secure like it did me every time a storm or tornado warning came. I had everything I needed with my blanket, cat, and a TV down there. :) I drove by the empty lot where my precious grandparents used to live, and where my "second home" once stood. Although my grandparents passed away 17 yrs ago and the house burned to the ground just this past year, that vacant lot brought back so many memories that I hold dear. I could still smell the spaghetti sauce that used to cook on the old gas stove, and I will always have the image of my grandmother pouring out to the Lord on her knees every single night before she went to bed. I then traveled 3 hrs west to Louisville, the place Sean and I consider "home." I thought of the amazing growth that I experienced at our church there as I sat under wise teachers with great genuine faith, a pastor who preached truth and loved us in Christ, and a place where I had the closest thing to family I have ever experienced to this day. I thought of how God was preparing us through that for a future we had no idea was in store for us in ministry. I saw the church truly being the body and never felt so loved in all my life. I recalled conversations and authentic relationships, where people knew everything about me....and loved me anyway. :) (and vice versa) I recalled the emotions and conditions leading up to Sean finally surrendering to ministry, and the pain that came as I thought about leaving what I had grown to love so much. I still have such a love and longing in my heart for the people there, and yet I don't have a longing to live there. I know that those emotions are for people and not places. God made us relational, not territorial. Look at Abraham for just one of many examples.

It was great to visit and recall so many amazing experiences. As I returned home, I had a lot of time to process this revisiting. There's a LOT of thinking and talking to God on a 13 hour drive by yourself! I saw how faithful God has been to me. I saw His provision and His loving care over my life, and it was a great reminder of how He will never stop doing that, even when I don't see it. As I retraced my past, I was overcome with His love for me and how He demonstrated it so sweetly. I recalled His guidance in those days of old, and was reminded that He will continue to guide me now and forevermore.

“Remember this, keep it in mind,
take it to heart, you rebels.

Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.’
From the east I summon a bird of prey;
from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.
What I have said, that I will bring about;
what I have planned, that I will do." Isaiah 46:8-11

When you're in times of uncertainty, retrace the hand of God in your life. Looking back helps us remember the truths that we so easily forget. Then, know that God is there right now, speaking to you and guiding you through His love.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'” Isaiah 30:21