Until, I found out the REAL reason. She wanted something. Aaaah, conditional “love.” Kids are such strange species, especially pre-teens and teens. One minute they love you, and you feel like the coolest parent on the block. The next moment, you have ruined their life and you feel that they can’t stand you. It is a crazy rollercoaster of emotions at this season in our home. Reminder: 3 kids, ages 11 (1/2), almost 15, and 16. Wow. I’m brave or crazy…maybe both? (no comments please) One of the hardest things to discern as a parent is when it’s an acceptable outburst of emotions, i.e. tears, sadness, depression, and when it’s sin-rage, anger, backtalk, etc. You see, even though it’s a real experience for them, the fact that they are responsible for self-control cannot be overlooked. If they don’t learn how to deal with those emotions, we are doing them a disservice in life. After all, whose life is ever consistently smooth? I think hormonal rages are certainly God’s preparation for life and learning how to deal!
On a different scale, church members can do much of the same, too. When the pastor is doing things they like, they think he’s the greatest man for the job. Not a doubt. He gets lots of words of encouragement, cards, and support, invitations to dinner, and so forth. They have no doubts that “he’s the man!” But the first time that he begins to go in a direction that they don’t like, prefer, or understand, or lead the church with (dirty word warning) c-h-a-n-g-e, (Gasp!) well then, that’s a different story! There’s the doubt that begins to creep in that maybe he’s NOT the one. He’s doing it “all wrong” and they know exactly the way the church should go. All of the sudden, they don’t love him so much and they know everything there is about how to lead a church despite the fact that God has not called them in this way. The words of encouragement begin to be discouraging words and gossip. The close relationship once there begins to separate. No more friendship, no more cards, no more support and interest in him as a person. After all, the relationship was founded on what he did or didn’t do. It was conditional. They haven’t really taken the time to get to know him and really love him. They just liked him for what could benefit them. Can anybody relate? Sadly, I know you can. It’s a reality of most every ministry at some point or another.
Let’s get real and personal now though, ladies. I wonder how much different we are when this happens? When we are falsely accused? Persecuted? When others gossip about your husband? Do you return evil with evil? Do you back off from them? Do you love people even when they don’t agree with your husband and don’t love you as they once did? It’s one of the most difficult things in ministry. When you hear they’ve been spreading gossip, talking about your man, do you instantly want to distance yourself, too? Or talk about them instead of pray for them? To love people who don’t love you or who are acting unlovely is most difficult. Yet it is adamant that we do this! Without love, we have NO ministry! It just becomes a “clanging cymbal.” Senseless. Without purpose. It does NOT glorify God. That becomes a ministry in vain. How sad is that?
Let’s go even deeper here. (I know it’s tough, but keep going!) How different are we with our love for God? How many times have you snuggled up to Him only because you wanted something from Him? Maybe you were desperate and really just needed an answer… and a timely one? How many times have you really needed Him to come through for you on something, so all of the sudden, the relationship became more consistent and intimate? He becomes your “best friend” at times like that, huh? But does the relationship stay as close when life is going well or even worse, when He doesn’t answer how you wanted or expected? When you get your answer? When the healing came through for you….or didn’t? Yes, I’d say we’re no different than that selfish child or fickle church member.
I got to visit some precious girlfriends back in December when we were in Kentucky. People who really have meant a lot to me over the years. Girls whose friendships have sustained despite the fact that we live 12 hrs apart. We don’t get to DO things together because of that fact. Yet, our relationship has been built upon not what we do for one another, but who we are. Just loving, faithful friends. When we got together over the holidays, we didn’t care what we DID. Just seeing each other and being together was the greatest blessing in the world. I treasured every second of it. The time spent together was precious! There’s joy simply in the relationship and getting the opportunity to be together. Oh, that we would truly love God in this way. One of the questions He’s put before me the past few weeks is this: “Beth, do you love Me and desire Me more than the benefits that I can bring to you?” In other words, do I enjoy and love Him because of things He gives me, like peace, guidance, direction, forgiveness, the promise of Heaven, joy, healing, etc.? Or do I love Him because of Who He is? In all honesty, I think I’ve never thought about it much before. Tough question: If I had to choose between His benefits and His presence, which would I choose?
Christ wants a relationship with us. HE initiated this relationship. We had nothing to offer Him. He has no need, and yet He desires to intimately know us. 1 John 4:19 says “We love because He first loved us.” There are certainly times that one of my children wants to just come and show their love for me. No strings attached. Just because they know they are loved and enjoy that security. There's a sweetness in the relationship. That’s what God wants us to do. For no other reason than the fact that He is our Dad. Our Father. Our “Abba.” You’ll find no greater Valentine than Him.
Lord, forgive me for when I’ve loved conditionally. Remind me that You intentionally loved me first, and because I have received a love I did not deserve, I can then share with others this great love, too. Help me to especially share it with others who are unlovely so that Your grace is demonstrated and that You will be glorified in and through me. Let me be a vessel of Your love to my family, my friends, my church, my neighborhood, and to the world. Amen.
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