IN MEMORY

I wrote these words down on this day last year, but feel it's worth the reminder- for me and all of us. Darren, you are still missed so much. I am grateful to know there WILL be a reunion one day. In the meantime, we are living life to the full because of Christ and thanks to the lessons He taught us through your life. I can honestly say I am not the same and I'm living more and more in that abundant life of grace and freedom today than when I wrote this even just one year ago. God's work continues..... praise You, Jesus!

It looked harmless enough. After all, I was the "cool mom"….the "cool adult"……"the cool pastor's wife." I rode all the rollercoasters and loved every second of it. What's the big deal about "The Drop Zone?" You know one of those rides where you are taken up 272 feet and it drops at a speed of 72 mph until finally stopped just short of a crash to the ground? Yeah, no big deal…right? So, not letting my fears known, I agreed to get on without an ounce of fear showing….although I did hesitate. It sure looked like it went up pretty high, but so do rollercoasters, right? I got on and buckled up my seatbelt. We began to go up, and I got really nervous. "Uh, this is going up pretty high." All I could hear was my friend and our youth leader at the time, Darren yelling, "Yeah!!!!" All the while I'm starting to think, "Nooooo!" We went up, up, up…..and I began to panic. I closed my eyes. Darren is now screaming at the top of his lungs, "Wooooooooo Hoooooooo!" I'm ready to cry, or maybe throw up. I find myself screaming, too, only it's a prayer that if the Lord would just let me live through this, I would be a much better steward of my body and never allow it on such a contraption again. All I can hear is Darren screaming at me, "Open your eyes, Beth! It's awesome! Open your eyes!" So, I peek one eye open. I saw Darren who was watching me, and then all I heard was his hysterical laughing again. I then look out and see it is higher than I EVER imagined we would be. I guess the look on my face said volumes because he began to squeal with more laughter almost to the point of tears. "Open your eyes, Beth! Open your eyes!" I just couldn't do it. Before I knew it we were free falling. I survived the drop and we got off the ride. Darren with the biggest smile ever. Me with a green tint to my face and weak in the knees. Whew! As promised I've never gotten back on that thing again. Darren was ready to go again right away…..right after he got over hysterically laughing at ME. Hmph.

That's how he lived his life though. Eyes wide open, ready to do the task at hand, joy in his heart, and lots of laughter on his lips. Today marks the one year "anniversary" of a tragic accident that eventually took his life here on earth- way too soon in my clouded vision. As I've reflected on this day, I have sadness for his wife, my sweet precious friend, Amy and their two children, Ty and Kenli. All of them having had to walk through every "first" the past year without their godly husband and father. What a difficult road to walk. I think about that time at King's Dominion a lot. How my fear kept me from the joy that Darren and many others were experiencing. How Darren's life was a model of pure joy. I never met someone who truly and passionately loved life like Darren did. You rarely saw him without a smile on his face. He just loved living, and he loved living life to the full for the Lord. He was crazy in love with his wife. I never heard him say an unkind word about her or towards her. He modeled a loving godly husband. He was just crazy about his children, too. Yet his passion was most rooted in His Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He was the model of the abundant life on THIS side of heaven. It wasn't that he just cut up and had fun, although he could do that, too. He also knew when to be serious. He was passionate about his Savior and he knew Him intimately, so life was rich, full, and he lived it in sweet abandon to Christ. His death only reminded me of his life and it pointed me to my Savior who is the only One Who can provide such a joy.
I've had a family picture of Darren and Amy up ever since he passed away last July. It was a reminder so that a day would not go by that I would not pray for Amy, Ty, and Kenli in this difficult road. Yet, it also was a reminder for me of something else..... Ride the ride, Beth! Get on! Squeal! Open your eyes! Hoot and holler! There's MUCH to be seen! Much to enjoy! Much to live for! Much to scream out to the world! We serve a RISEN Savior who is alive! We have the answer the world is searching for. The ONLY answer because Jesus is the ONLY way! Open your eyes! Live out loud!

I have been taken to Hebrews 12:1 this week several times as I came upon this anniversary date. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. " Darren ran that race to the end, and is now in that great cloud of witnesses cheering us on because his faith is now sight and he knows it is better than even he imagined. He was an inspiring example who testified of the power of faith- God's faithfulness -and lived his life eyes wide open. So, today, may we open our eyes as as Hebrews 12:2-3 goes on to say, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

This past year, I have learned to open my eyes more and squeal with laughter, live more passionately, and love with more heart. If Darren squealed that loud on earth, can you imagine the volume as he sits at the feet of Jesus today among thousands others and says, "Holy! Holy! Holy!"? He does not have to "imagine" anymore. His faith is now sight, and he is an eye witness to the truth that he lived. I can even hear him urging us on…"Open your eyes, Beth! Open your eyes……there is much to be seen…and life is to be lived!" I think Darren is exclaiming a new song now and it goes like this:
"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain!" (Phil 1:21)

Darren, we are one year closer to seeing you, buddy. I cannot wait. Even more, I cannot wait to see the One we served together, Who is LIFE to me. Life on this earth is only a weekend compared to eternity! May I live it for HIM to the full!