While I'm Waiting

This time last year, I was waiting for my son to come home. Some things never change. Today, it's a different son. Last year, we waited for the U.S. Embassy to submit Levi's visa so we could FINALLY bring him to America to live with his forever family. Now, we await a router flight from Turkey to Germany to Baltimore, and then (hopefully) a flight from Baltimore to Raleigh tonight, so that our oldest son, Andrew can come home on leave from the USAF. After 9 months of pregnancy (and Levi's wait just happened to be 9 mos, too. Yeah, God's cool like that.), wouldn't you think we moms could get this waiting thing down?

 God has continued to teach me a lot about waiting this year. A lot. You would think I would have it mastered even now- 20 yrs after Andrew's birth. But I don't. Yet. I CAN say however that I've grown (only by His grace) and continue to learn to trust His timing and His goodness. His plans are often ways we don't understand. And His goodness? I don't truly grasp that either because it's greater than anything I know on earth, but how I know it to be true. SO true. One of the greatest things I have learned in a year of waits, changes, and growing faith is this. It's not important for me to figure out or even understand God's plan.  I could talk all day about what I THINK He's doing or why I THINK He did _____. I might even see after the fact SOME of the reasons for His plan, but even then, I don't know God's mind. Trying to figure it all out leaves me missing what He's showing me in the moment. How He's revealing Himself to me right now. I find it best to not try to be God. What's important is for me to know His voice and trust His love. Every day. Every moment. And that I have grown to treasure! He speaks to me in so many ways. Fresh ways. His Word is precious to me. Something that I can read over and over, and still hear as if it's new. Something that applied in one way to me last year, applies differently to me today. And yet it never changes throughout time. It's the same truth. Only God can speak that way!

My mama heart is bursting with gratitude as I reflect on this day how in the past year, God has used many circumstances and ways to show me the love of my Father through waits. Not just as my personal Father, but by Him being my children's Father. I've seen Him speaking to each of them so clearly in this. It's even more of a blessing when you see them listening and responding. Waits have taught me two important things.

1. There's something about a wait that makes you treasure all the more. As I wait for Andrew to step off that plane and into this mama's arms, I think of so many things I've missed about this boy young man. Skype is a true blessing, but it is surely no substitute for the real thing. I miss the things I never even noticed before. The way he looks right at you when he's talking to you like you are the only person in the room. The way that he smells. Yes, that's right. There's something about little boys and their sweaty, dirty hands with tousled hair to match that only a mama can love. You grow to treasure that. As you get them dressed each day. As you fold their laundry. As you hug them and kiss their now freshly cleaned hair and face at bedtime. There's a distinct smell of your children. As Andrew has been gone this year, some of his clothes have still hung in his closet (and of course, we brought them to NC with us in our move as well). Every now and then, I just go smell them...and cry. If you're a mama, I know you totally get me here. I miss his smell. All of this things used to be mundane. Overlooked.  Dailyness. In a wait, they become treasures. Something longed for. Appreciated. Graces. My heart spills with gratitude so much more for the little things because of my waits.

2. Another way God has used waits in my life this year is for fresh strength. When you're waiting for anything, there is absolutely no control in the matter. (Not that you really ever have any, but shhhh...I like to pretend sometimes!) :) You are completely helpless to change your waiting. Otherwise, you'd rush right into it, and it wouldn't be a wait, right? It is so tempting to believe lies during your wait. That God must have forgotten about me. That God doesn't hear. That God doesn't care. I have fallen for those lies before. Oh, how I have fallen for this one. Through my waits this year, I began to truly see differently. To believe differently. The truth of Isaiah 40:27-31 has become my fresh reality.

"Why Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, (insert your name here if you're brave)
    or, whine, Israel, saying, 
 'God has lost track of me.
    He doesn’t care what happens to me'?
Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?
God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.
    He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.
    And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
    gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
    young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
    They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don’t get tired,
    they walk and don’t lag behind."

We still aren't sure if Andrew will be able to get a flight from Baltimore to Raleigh tonight. After waiting almost a year, what's another day though? God knows the exact way to bring His children home. Another day of waiting is another day of treasuring the time we will have and strengthening my faith muscles. This girl is growing strong! Praise His Name!