Crossroads

My resolution for 2012 was John 3:30. A simple verse, but a huge request. "He must become greater; I must become less." Throughout 2012, during many ups and downs, this verse continually was put before me. Just this past Sunday, Sean was talking in his sermon about how God never changes. He doesn't get bigger because He's already bigger than anyone and anything. But the closer we get to Him, the bigger we see Him and the clearer we hear Him. He's not changed- we have. I have to say in 2012, I saw God in BIG ways and that can only be explained by God's faithfulness in answering a very simple request. Be big to me, God.  As I recap the year, here are some thoughts as I think about God's response to that simple prayer.

I had to say "goodbye" to a son who was leaving to serve overseas at the same time I was bringing a new son home. Talk about bittersweet. Raising a little boy who didn't speak English and came from another very different culture brought many challenges- socially, academically, mentally, and physically. It was truly like starting over for us in so many ways. Add to that homeschooling one daughter to graduation from high school, and raising another daughter who had just begun high school. I not only got on an airplane again to go to Ethiopia, we went completely by faith in not going along with our agency and doing things as the Spirit was leading us. You have to understand my great fear of flying and any uncertainty in a foreign land to know what a work of the Spirit this was. I had NO fear, and there is no other explanation for this than the Lord!  This time included worshiping in a dump of 130,000 people and visiting a haven for young girls who have experienced horrific traumas due to the simple fact that they were born where they were born. That's really what it comes down to. There, by the grace of God, go I. My heart was broken all over again for humanity, and God tendered my heart for specifically the country of Ethiopia. In response to this, God enabled us to join along with some friends who are like minded in their hearts for their child's native country, and help support a school and community through Children's Hope Chest. We sponsor a sweet little 10 yr old girl, Genet in the community of Warancha. My desire is to go with the team in 2013 and minister here, hopefully getting to meet our sweet Genet. Church ministry, in the same way, also brings great seasons of rejoicing and great seasons of struggles. We experienced both as many pastors and wives do, and still....God was near and so very faithful to us. I think back to the many people we had the blessing of seeing come to know Jesus and grow in their relationship with Him. It makes the tough times seem so trivial when you know lives are changed for eternity.  If you would have asked me even a couple of years ago, that I was writing any of this, I would have laughed. If you would have asked me at the beginning of 2012 that I would be where I am today as I type this, I would have laughed. God continues to be faithful and real to us. In early fall, the Lord began leading us to a new ministry, and in His amazing timing, directed us to a new church, provided a brand new home, and we saw Him being VERY clear to lead us to this place for such a time as this. Again, there's no other explanation. We could have never worked the details out like they have been. We end this year in awe of our Savior.

I can't help but think that while this is a new season- new location, new ministry, new home- it's still the very same God. I've never been a big resolution person, honestly because they tend to focus more on us, and we are fallible, messed up creatures. I'd rather use it as a prayer request to God. A request from my heart to my all sufficient, very present, faithful God. How much more effective does that kind of resolution last than one based on my own performance? If left up to me, I'd be right back where I started within a week.  So, I'm simply asking God to do it again....only more. I want Him to do something so profound and HUGE in my life that the ONLY explanation for it, would be it had to be Him.  Pretty bold request, but I know I have a great BIG God who loves to show His glory and the Holy Spirit lives in me. I'm not sure how or when or what He will do, so daily I will look, not to His plan, but to Him. I want to see Him even bigger in 2013.  I know this does not depend on me, but Him, so therefore I know it's possible! In this new season, we are at a crossroads. A new direction. So, I ask God to show me more of Himself. Help me to remain near, hear His voice, and follow Him wherever and whatever that is. I know that if I look back at only myself, I see only mistakes. I'm such a mess! But when I look back and see Him and trace His hand, I can rejoice. Despite my failures, my God never fails. Beth Moore says that "we know we're coming full circle with God when we stand at a very similar crossroad where we made such a mess of life before, but this time we take a different road." I pray I will always learn and grow from my mistakes, and that I will see God's goodness and faithfulness and trust Him more than myself.  I don't want to go my own way, Lord. I want to follow You! Show me more of You, Jesus! Do something only You can do, so that others see and glorify You!

"This is what the Lord says, 'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.'" Jer. 6:16

"For the eyes of the Lord roam throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." 2 Chronicles 16:9

"Let your light shine before people in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father in heaven." Matt. 5:16

Take the stage, Lord!