Day 7-GRACE

Okay, so I just realized I had a "P" pattern going there. That was totally not intentional. :)

Today, we had several things to accomplish while in Raleigh before making (yet another) drive back here to the shore. I have to say that Advent this year is becoming an ADVENTure for us. I had to remind myself that there is an end in sight to all this running around and we will be moved in within a WEEK now! :) Yes, Lord. By God's grace, I find even in the craziness of this time, I am seeking Him each day and finding Him. I love how His words to me are fresh and personal.

The builder of our new home had let us pick out some colors for some of the rooms, and we found out all the painting was done, so we went to look at the house this morning before driving back. As I walked around the house, it struck me at how much I did not deserve this house. There's absolutely nothing I have done that warrants I receive such a gift. Nothing. I have really struggled with this. Why does God bless some and not others? Why are there homeless people? People with no jobs or no food? If I say that everything I have is because God has given it to me, which is TRUE, what about those who are without? Why doesn't God give to them, too? Ever since God wrecked my heart for the poor and the orphan, I see everything with different eyes. It's hard to ever look at anything the same again. It's a blessing and a curse. And I'm glad it tears at my heart because I really don't want to forget, but sometimes, I don't know how to live in light of it. What does it mean for me, Lord?

We got this house at an unbelievable price that was in our budget. It's brand new and has sat on the market for months, so the price was negotiable. The builder has even GIVEN us things- like all new appliances, painting the house, and installing blinds. All completely FREE. Closing costs? He's covering those, too. We chose a house that will be able to house others, and we absolutely plan to use it for ministry to others. God knew that our busy schedules and my husband's lack of "fixit skills" were an issue, so we have a brand spanking new home. Doesn't that warrant a "whoop, whoop!"?

But me? I'm trying to keep it quiet. Afraid that if I say God blessed us, then it might mean He didn't bless someone else. I don't want to talk about it too much and even when someone DOES ask me about it, I want the conversation to end quickly.  I find myself feeling like I owe an apology or explanation to people because we bought a house. It's insane! Most people around us buy homes.  All the time. Most of my friends own a home. A large percentage of my friends paid a lot more for their homes (even older homes) than we did for our brand new home. What's my problem?!?!

Well, God showed me my problem. Fear. I'm afraid to receive something that is very clearly His blessing. And I confidently say it's His because we could have never orchestrated a deal like this. Never. It's like I'm saying, "Your gift is good, God, but I don't want it." I have prayed many times throughout this process that if it wasn't from Him to take it because I didn't want it. The truth is I'm not good enough and I don't deserve it, but He wants to give it to me anyway. Grace. Why am I afraid to accept it? Who am I afraid of? Man? Myself?
I'm still pondering all of this. God is still speaking to me about it, too. But I thought of this scripture today...

"And she brought forth her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." Luke 2:7

Once again, the humility of Jesus comes to mind. No room for the Savior to be born? No home? Our Savior was born homeless?

Some people take this to mean that we sell everything we have and live the rest of our lives in poverty. While God may certainly ask some people to do this, as we do see this in scripture,  what struck me almost right away was another verse.

"For everyone to whom much is given, of him shall much be required." Luke 12:48

Because of sin, there are homeless, hungry, poor, hurting people. Because of grace, we who are given homes, food, wealth (* in America you are wealthier than most of the world if you have shelter and food), and health get the blessing to house, help, feed, and comfort others. "For everyone to whom much is given, of him shall much be required." If God blesses you and I with something, it isn't because we deserve it. It's because He has entrusted us to use it for His glory-- for ministry. I have no idea what all the Lord wants to do with the home He is so graciously giving to us anymore than the fact that some 10 yrs ago He called us to leave all that was familiar to us- we sold our home and possessions to follow Him on this adventure in ministry. It doesn't always make sense to me.  I don't begin to attempt to explain Him, but I know where He calls us is where I want to be. I know it is in Raleigh, and so I will graciously accept this gift of a home as we follow Him.

So, I walked throughout this home today....our home.....HIS home, and I prayed...in every room. I asked Him to use it to be a blessing to our family as we will still be raising two of our four children there, but to also let this home be a blessing to others. It's His to use as He sees fit. Whatever that looks like.

Lord, let me never forget the depth of Your grace to me. Let me always make room for You in my life, including my home. Let this home be a shelter of blessing to many so that they know You have room for them in eternity.